When I open someone’s blog or twitter, I sometimes find this sentence: ‘I am writing to express not to impress’. For me, there is something more frank than that. ‘I am writing to keep my sanity’. That is my reason to write, of course, it is not about writing in a blog, or posting a status in Twitter. That is my reason for writing many files that only end up in some folders in my laptop.
My mind keeps talking. Writing is like a therapy to shut it off for a little while. When I am writing, my mind stops talking, it changes the way my brain and body work. My fingers move when I start to type in my laptop. My eyes keep reading what I write. I also usually listen to a set of playlist that makes my ears awake in positive way. There is no chance for my mind to disturb me when I am writing. Universe becomes silent while my body, mind, and soul work in a way that I want. Even when I am writing something sad, my whole system works just like positive energy flowing all over my body. Writing makes me relieve. Writing keeps me sane.
Sometimes, writing makes me lonely. It is lonely because there are times I realize I have no one to talk to. Actually, I do have some friends who magically can understand the way I think which is often different with others. But, I feel like it is only my mind ‘barks’, not the real conversation I should bring with them. I need to express positivity, not negativity that my mind ‘barks’. So, most of the time I choose to shut up my mouth, talk to myself before sleeping, or simply write because talking to myself sounds insane, right? This way, writing helps me to keep my sanity.
Despite the fact that writing somehow can be a lonely activity, writing also helps me to get through the loneliness after heartbreak. There are times when I open my old writing folders, and it is so good to feel like I meet myself, talk to her, and know what she feels. I know it sounds weird. But, there are times that my writing saves me, in my writing I can find the peace I ever got, my confidence, and my dream. Writing may still be my dream ‘activity’. I cannot imagine myself having job to write, it sounds so far away right now, but writing is my pleasure, my me-time, and something to keep my sanity.